Who am I?

Dwayne Foster?

Froggie Digitall?

The games doctored, my rhymes highly original

Derived from a life of pain, broken hearts,

Rage out now I awoke my past.

Days started like a broken spark, so many wires

Who am I? Great assembly required for him,

Not Tim whose childhood was dim

But Dwayne’s whose whole childhood was grim

Being left on my own taught me to be individual

Streets made me visual, God made me spiritual

Changes in events made me unpredictable

Still a live brother which means I’m no quitter

Wrote poetry techniques for the scripture

Spoke flow fully, need beats for a spitter,

It’s about to get a whole lot more sicker

Got the future in my thoughts but what’s the bigger picture

Who am I?

The reasons…

This piece was inspired by the American group The O’Jays song of the same name from their Back Stabbers LP (1972) and was sampled in a song made by east coast rap collective The Diplomats also using the same track name on their 2003 release ‘Diplomatic Immunity’.

I remember playing the song continuously on repeat for a whole night. My mind trapped in the profound elements that made up what was a really emotional track from a rapper who used the song to explain to the listener that grown men do cry too. The song also uses the sample of the original track to great effect.

By the end of that night, attentions and focus had turned away from Juelz Santana and I was now asking myself that very same question… who am I?

That’s what the first line is all about. Am I Dwayne Foster or Froggie Digitall? Or both, and if so who are they?

Dwayne Foster needed to go back.

A remarkable event took place when I started to take an interest in the cool art of rapping. I was a 19 year old performing arts student and some of us would always gather around at break and lunchtimes to have a heated cypher.

Cyphers involve a group of rappers each taking turn to recite new bars and lines or freestyle. It’s a good way for rappers to hone their skills.

I used to perform flips and handstands and got the name ‘Frogz’ due much in part to my gangly frame than any acrobatic prowess. So when thinking up my ‘rapper name’ I incorporated the Frog name with my love of all things electronic and gadgety.

Froggie Digitall was born.

In fact it turned out to be a group of triplets. I had also given birth to two other entities. Rage and Sirius D were also formed from the abyss of my mind.

Froggie was first though.

In Freudian psychology Froggie would probably represent the personality known as the id. It was the first component to be activated when I was born. It was at the source of my desires and impulses, a disorganised mass of swirling energy.

Froggie knew not of right or wrong. Mr Digitall’s only concern was with gathering data. Data was absolute to the truth.

I was also demonstrating the reflective qualities of both entities as both initials are a mirror image of themselves (DF – FD) polar opposites perhaps, a relationship nonetheless. Also check out this piece by Jack Herrera called Because You Are, I Am which expands a bit on the topic of consciousness and the self.

‘The next line talks about ‘the game’ being doctored. The game that I’m referring to in this instance is the game of life and it’s been tampered with. How? A few months earlier my mother had died due to a drug overdose, she was a month away from her 40th birthday. I felt as though life had robbed me of all that I had ever wanted, I didn’t ever spend much time with her. I felt alone.

There is also a double entendre here as ‘ the game’ can also be seen as the music game that I wanted to ‘tamper’ with my highly original rhymes.

The next line details where I’m coming from, and it’s a place of a lot of hurt and torment. I also introduce a new character called Rage, who makes an appearance because these haunting issues of the past have resurfaced. What could have happened in this past we wonder. We’ll find out.

‘Days started like a broken spark, so many wires’, was how I wanted to picture and best encapsulate the scene of my earliest days to the reader/listener. This child with untold reserves of energy and creativity, his parents and those around him desperately and some times not trying to connect all of the wires needed to correctly install all of the components for my capabilities.

I’ve always been a rather unconventional sort, probably ahead of my time in design. I needed the investment, time spent allowing me to absorb the mechanics of this new exciting world stuffed with extraordinary colours, sounds and smells. We weren’t particularly well of as a family in terms of finance and infrastructure but I felt happy just to be part of a family no matter the hardships much like the Timothy ‘tiny Tim’ Cratchit character of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (on at the Old Vic this winter).

Tim was from the analog age, he didn’t need much by way of updates and plugins to fully function. I was born at the beginning of the digital age and would need constant checks and scans. It seems nobody had the time. I was ‘left on my own’ to my own devices as the universe literally told me to learn by myself. It wasn’t until the age of 8 that I could read and write at the uniform standard, testament to my communication skills that you wouldn’t know how poor I was. I didn’t attend school frequently in the early years between the ages of 4-7 because my mum at the time was more concerned with scoring her next heroin fix rather than raising a child, especially one that required so much early maintenance.

Time spent by myself forced me to ‘man up’ in a sense and we’ll delve more into this period on another piece I wrote which I will break down and decipher with you all soon. But I will say that it was at this time that my personality was honed and fixed…the inquisitive bundle of energy wanted to know it all.

The next lines demonstrate how the conditions of my environment refined and moulded me like waves crashing against an isle. Solitude forced me to consider self, how will you eat if there is no adult to prepare your meal? The streets forced me to be observant, to sense and see danger before it arises or at least see the signs. God forced me to know that I had been put in this situation for a divine purpose so as not to lash out in ignorance and violence (although I had my fair share of fights and fisticuffs). The constant changes in my early years (by the age of seven I’d moved homes five times) forced me to accept that nothing stays the same and to expect the unexpected. Advanced character building at the age of five if you don’t mind.

Within those particular lines I was also questioning the role of both nature and nurture towards my development. With my interest in both astronomy and astrology I had long discovered that I had been assigned to represent team Aquarius; as I had apparently demonstrated all of the attributes associated with the eleventh sign of the zodiac. Was I the way I was solely through my situation or was it due to the alignment of planets and stars spread throughout the Milky Way? Perhaps a mixture of both.

‘Still a live brother’ was a play on words tying up the electrical references made earlier in the verse. I’m still live, still in working order even though I wasn’t set up (for life) correctly but I’m still working on myself. I haven’t quit. Also, I’m hinting at suicidal thoughts with the play on words ‘still alive’ explaining to my brother that I’m still here, I haven’t yet given up on life yet.

The next two lines set out my my creative ambitions. I started writing poetry aged six and that was the key thing that enabled me to read and write in order to get to the level I’m at now. ‘Technique for the scripture’ is a reference to King Solomon who was known for his poetic prowess as evidenced in the bible, see Song of Solomon. Hip Hop was very much at the forefront of my creativity and I wanted to make a career from it, I had a lot of writing material but no beats! A must have if you want to be a serious rapper or ‘spitter’. The days ahead will be ‘sicker’, an inverted meaning explaining that the future will be great and also another play on words as ‘spitting’ to everyone could potentially make them sick.

The last line sees me identifying this new career as a goal as I look to the future, still acknowledging that there is also something far greater to get from life than mere professional accolades and accomplishments. What is the bigger pictures? The sum to all the parts?

Ironically, the answer is the question I posed at the very beginning of the piece.

Who am I.